I have considered my dearest A all the reasons you have kindly represented against future personal intercourse & others which you have not & I perfectly agree with you it is most desirable to avoid it—at the same time I think it wd be very difficult for me & might lead to consequences very injurious to more than me to make any open declarations about it. Consider the appearance to the World & to some in particular to whom I can’t state all my reasons—& the effects on him—at the same time I would as entirely1 as possible avoid it—but do reflect on many reasons for doing it prudently—At present there seems little prospect of my being exposed to this difficulty. I have no idea of his returning & if I gave way to my own forebodings, they wd incline me to think we should never meet again—but to dwell on such is useless—assure you most solemnly—most truly—I have long felt that he has not been my friend—but from my heart I forgive him—& pray to God to forgive him & change his heart—to restore him to peace—& there is nothing I would not do which could be done consistently with my duty to God & to others to contribute to his good—how far & whether I may ever be able to do so it is I think impossible to foresee—since futurity is veiled
1 “Entirely” underlined twice. |
| 249 |
| ASTARTE |
Wedy. I left off there dearest A. & have not been able to resume—I was going to say that nothing should induce me to see him again so frequently or in the way I have done—but that merely I see difficulties in saying I will never see you again—which I think you wd understand or if I could see you I could explain—I only hope it won’t appear to you that I am thinking of my own gratifications—
