Astarte: a Fragment of Truth
Augusta Leigh to Lady Byron, 6 June 1816
Six Mile Bottom. June 6th 1816.
As I always mistrust the first impulses of my feelings, & did not wish to
write under the influence of such as your letter could not fail to produce, I would not answer it
by return of post. I cannot say that I am wholly surprised at its contents.
Your silence towards me during so long an interval and when all obvious
necessity for it must have ceased formed so decided a contrast to your former kindness to me—and to
what my Conscience tells me my conduct towards you deserved from you that it
could not but require some explanation. I have often thought of—though not determined—to ask
it—when my health strength & spirits wd allow me—if my feelings have
been wounded by your silence, how much more deeply they must now be so by your expressions I need not—cannot say—To general accusations I must
answer in general terms—and if I were on my death Bed I could affirm as I now do that I have
uniformly considered you and consulted your happiness before and above any thing in this world. No
sister ever could have the claims upon me that you had—I felt it—& acted up to the feeling to
the best of my judgement. We are all perhaps too much inclined to magnify our trials, yet I think I
may venture to pronounce my situation to have been & to be still one of
extraordinary difficulty. I have been assured that the
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| ASTARTE |
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tide of public opinion
has been so turned against my Brother that the least appearance
of coolness on your part towards me would injure me most seriously—& I am therefore for the sake of my children compelled to accept from your compassion the “limited intercourse” which is all you can grant to one whom you
pronounce no longer worthy of your esteem or affection! But the time may come when your present
convictions and opinions will change—in the interim I feel how hopeless would be every attempt to
defend myself. The only person whose testimony could avail me in proving how strictly and
invariably I have done my duty by you—I have heard from yr own lips you
consider unworthy of belief. On the particular points of accusation—1st. my “not having
disguised my resentment to those who befriended you” I know of nothing but the change of
manner to Miss Doyle, which was discussed between us ye last time I saw you—and, 2nd. “my having countenanced the acts which were
employed to injure you”——!!! really you must have been cruelly misinformed and I cruelly injured I ask not however by whom—for I feel I scarcely could forgive them. Before you judge and condemn me on the first point—you ought
to consider that I as well as you may have had provocation—that it was impossible hearing and
seeing all I did I should not be under the influence of some degree of irritation—not against those
who wd befriend you1 but
whom I often thought condemned others1 too severely. I will not however say more at present than that you need not
indeed regret having loved & trusted me so entirely—& the sincerity of my
affection for you & exclusive zeal for your welfare all2 to whom I ever spoke of you—and who witnessed my conduct can
fully prove. I would not dwell a moment on having done what was only my duty
and inclination but in self-defence——
My “present unhappy dispositions”——! I have
1 Underlined twice. 2 Underlined three times. |
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| LADY BYRON AND MRS. LEIGH (I) |
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indeed in outward causes sufficient to make any one
wretched but inward peace which none can take away—It never occurred to me
you could act but on the strictest sense of duty—therefore I’m convinced you do so now towards me.
God bless you—for every mark of kindness which you have bestowed on me &
mine of which neither time or circumstances can efface the recollection.
Believe me gratefully & afly yrs
Will you be so good as to acknowledge the receipt of the Bulletin1 to Ly Noel.
I think it unnecessary to trouble her as I write to you—I am sorry to hear her acct of yr health——
Selina Doyle (1784 c.-1851)
The sister of Sir Francis Hastings Doyle and friend of Lady Byron; she died
unmarried.
Hon. Augusta Mary Leigh [née Byron] (1783-1851)
Byron's half-sister; the daughter of Amelia Darcy, Baroness Conyers, she married
Lieutenant-Colonel George Leigh on 17 August 1807.
