You are all out as to my real Sentiments. I was, am, & shall be I fear, attach’d to another, who is I am informed engaged therefore entirely out of my reach. I have never sd. much to her but have never lost sight of her.
As I have sd. so much I may as well say all—the Woman I mean is M[iss] M[ilbanke]. I know nothing of her fortune, & I am told her Father is not rich, but my own would when my Rochdale arrangets. are closed be sufficient for both—my Debts are not 25,000 pd. & the deuce is in it, if with Rochdale & the surplus of Newstead I could not contrive to be as independent as half the Peerage. I know little of her, & have not the most distant reason to suppose that I am at all a favourite in that quarter, but I never saw a Woman whom I liked esteemed & could love so much—but that chance is gone, & I had better not think of her.
Sepr. 19th. Miss M. I admire, & as I said
FAMILY AND POLITICAL TROUBLES | 133 |
28th Sepr. I have always openly
professed my admiration of yr. neice & have ever been anxious to cultivate
her acquaintance but Ly. C[owper] told me
she was engaged to E. [unknown] so did
several others. Mrs. [George] L[amb] her
great friend talk’d in the same strain & was moreover certain that
E. would make the best Husband in the world. Under
these circumstances I withdrew, & wish’d not to hazard my Heart, with
a Woman I was so extremely inclined to Love but at the same time sure could be
nothing to me. The case is now different—& upon hearing from a friend
of hers that they are coming here, I have put off my journey to
Rochdale—& sent my Agent to
settle some Business of importance without me. If you should have any means of
introducing me to their Society, pray do. I have trusted you with my
134 | FAMILY AND POLITICAL TROUBLES |
Excuse my asking this favour but you have always been so kind to me that I trust to your being my friend in this case. Everything rests with M. M. herself for my earnest wish is to devote my whole life to her.