“The die is cast, and when, having tottered some time,
I thought myself firm, at that instant the fate was reversed, and I fell
headlong without hopes of recovery. I will now explain my meaning, and I am
afraid that the explanation will be more serious than you may expect from this
introduction. I told you in my last of the doubtful manner of talking of
Mr Kemble, and at last of his saying
that he would keep me, and endeavour to bring me forward, on account of his
respect for Mr Holcroft. Irresolute
blockhead! he has again altered his mind. Now he has got the shadow of a reason
for his final determination, to which, although one of the most irresolute, I
believe he will adhere; but observe, although I call it the shadow of a reason,
I do not mean to say that I was without blame. He desired me to study Malcolm against the next time it was acted. But
the next morning I told him that I would undertake it for that time, as I had
two before me: he consented. I went through the part very well, and tolerably
perfectly, till I came within two lines of the end of the play (I speak the
last speech), and there I wanted the word. The noise behind scenes, the play
being nearly over, prevented my hearing the prompter, and in an instant some
people at the back of the gallery, as I guessed, began to hiss, and immediately
everybody else began to clap, which lasted for a minute, and as we were so near
the end it was not advisable to wait the conclusion of the bustle to say the
few words that remained. The trumpets sounded, and the curtain fell. My blame
consisted in want of courage, or recollection, in not skipping to the next line
the very instant they began to hiss, and it was impossible to catch the word.
Mr Kemble made this his handle, declared I was totally
unfit for the profession, and that I had not one single requisite for an actor,
and in fine, he said, ‘As a friend, I advise you to return to London.
I cannot keep you.’ I told him that I would undertake anything,
however low, if I was not qualified for higher, and in proportion to my little
utility would be willing to receive little.
| 46 | WILLIAM GODWIN |
